Watchtower Study, How to Have a Successful Courtship, August 5-11, 2024, Comments and Responses.

“The secret person of the heart […] is of great value” (1 PET. 3:4).

1, 2. What do some say about dating?

As Tiinaa from Ethiopia mentioned, dating can be one of the happiest times in life. It is a time to get to know each other deeply, share meaningful conversations and enjoy moments together. The relationship can be filled with laughter and a deep sense of connection, making the experience very rewarding.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Alessio from the Netherlands highlights that despite the joys of dating, challenges can also arise. These challenges can range from differences in values ​​and expectations to the need to learn to manage conflict and adapt to the needs of others .

That is why in this article we are going to highlight some important points, one is we will talk about some possible challenges and how the Bible can help couples have a successful few days and we will also see what all of us as a congregation as brothers can do to help the bride and groom. 

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF COURTAGE

3. What is the purpose of dating? (Proverbs 20:25).

Well, the purpose of courtship is so that the two get to know each other better and can make a good decision in the future, whether it is to get married or also occasions to break off the courtship.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

The purpose of courtship is to serve as a stage of knowledge and deep reflection before committing to marriage. According to Proverbs 20:25, it is important to carefully consider any commitment or vow, as these are serious and must be made with full awareness.

During courtship, couples have the opportunity to get to know each other better, evaluate whether they are compatible in values ​​and goals, and decide if they are ready for marriage. This process can lead to a decision to marry or, if the relationship is determined to be unsuitable, to end it amicably. In both cases, dating serves its purpose by helping people make an informed and thoughtful decision about their future together.

And in the event that they decide to break off the courtship in the end, that does not mean that it has failed but that it has fulfilled its purpose, which was for them to know each other and have enough knowledge to make the decision, and in the end the courtship will fulfill its purpose. either to get married or to leave the relationship.

If the text that we have read from Proverbs emphasizes the idea that you have to stop and think very well before making a vow, then dating is something very serious and in this case, well, before entering into a courtship you have to think about it and before to move forward because you also have to reflect. 

4. Why is it important to understand the purpose of dating?

Because the person who begins a courtship has to be clear that courtship can lead to marriage and if they do not have that intention of getting married, then it does not make sense for them to start a dating relationship.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

If singles understand that dating is a time to get to know each other better and evaluate the possibility of marriage, they will avoid starting relationships without the intention of getting married. This helps ensure that both parties are on the same page and respect each other.

Understanding that dating is intended to help people make an informed decision about marriage allows couples to honestly evaluate their compatibility and make decisions based on mutual understanding and respect.

And also for all the others, we also do not want to put more pressure on both of them because we know that in the end the relationship may break but we want to help to make the decision good for them.

Yes, here is a comment that shows the feelings of many who are starting a relationship, many already decide to stay together even though they believe or are clear that dating does not work but it is because of the pressure they feel from others, or others prefer not to date anyone to avoid that pressure, so perhaps unintentionally we are transmitting that pressure to the couple.

TRY TO KNOW YOURSELF WELL

5, 6. What things should those in a relationship seek to know? (1 Peter 3:4).

Well, you have to know the secret person of the heart well, understand what their spirituality is like, what that person is like, how they think, what goals they have, and well, the paragraph encourages us to ask ourselves certain questions to see if we could finally become compatible with that person, adapting to how they are and how we are.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Those in a relationship should try to know the other person well, especially important aspects of their personality and spirituality. This includes learning about your personality, your thoughts, and your goals in life.

It is also essential to ask yourself questions like: “Will he be a good husband or wife? “Will he fit in with me?” and “Will we be able to give each other the love and attention that each other needs?” It is also important to talk about personal issues, such as health problems, financial problems, and past trauma, to make informed decisions about the future of the relationship.

1 Peter 3:4 | Well, questions that are related to how Jehovah sees that person, in the paragraph we are told if he will be a good husband or wife and there we have examples of what a good husband and wife would be like, which mentions Proverbs 31 regarding the wife or Ephesians. Regarding the husband, something also very important is as Roman 3:23 says that since we all sin, we are going to be able to live with that person's defects since we all have them and there are some that may be more incompatible than others.

And as you begin to see those little things, the defects and these things, then you have to try to solve them definitively with the groom because sometimes it happens that we say well, they are defects but when I get married we will correct them and after 20 years they have gotten bigger. Moreover, they have not yet been corrected, because perhaps it should be done before and now we can talk about those that are really important that they be resolved or that they be known from the beginning that they are important and personal issues.

And at the end of paragraph 5 I love this comment when it says that the most compatible people are not the ones who are most similar because sometimes you want the other person to like the same things and that is not the case, it says that they are the one who best It adapts to the differences of the other, that is, it is ideal. This in a few words summarizes that compatibility does not have to do with being equal but rather adapting to other people.

We also have the text of John 16:12 that says I still have many things to say to you but now it would be too much for you, sometimes one of us has financial problems or health problems or past traumas but it is true that maybe at the beginning of the relationship not to talk about it but throughout the relationship they have to talk about it so that both people make a good decision.

Paragraph 6 also explains that before the feelings become very strong there are important things that we do have to talk about, such as what goal we have, because perhaps later we will talk about that topic and if the feelings are very strong we will talk about it. overlook something that perhaps in the beginning would have more importance.

And in the article that appears in the young people's note there are some questions both for whether he will be a good husband, a good wife, basic questions, important qualities and then danger signs, for example in the case of the husband questions how he gets angry easily, has he tried to If you participate in immoral behavior, you physically or verbally abuse other people, you have to drink alcohol to have fun, you are jealous and selfish, thinking about that during that time in which you are getting to know each other will help you detect those possible signs of danger and make the best possible decision. before it's too late.

7. What can couples do to get to know each other better? (See also the box “Relationships at a distance” and the images).

Well, as you are indicating, speaking openly with frankness and asking questions and knowing how to listen, you can easily talk, eating together, taking a walk in public areas, even going out to preach and also sharing a moment together with friends and family why because there we can know about one and the other. person as in the situations in different types of people and personalities because how they behave and see in these different situations getting to know each other better.

Talking candidly about your thoughts, expectations, and feelings is crucial. Proverbs 20:5 and James 1:19 emphasize the importance of open communication and active listening to understand each other. We can use questions about the other person's experiences, values ​​and goals to help discover important aspects of their character and compatibility. Additionally, knowing how to listen demonstrates respect and facilitates a deeper understanding.

Participating in various activities and situations allows you to observe how the other person reacts and behaves in different circumstances. Albert from the Netherlands, for example, organized activities such as cooking and doing housework to discover aspects of Alice's personality.

The texts of Proverbs 20:5 and James 1:19 are commented on, where we are reminded of the importance of knowing how to listen, not being too impetuous when perhaps they are speaking to us, interrupting the person and through discernment and knowledge, then getting to know things according to the other. which perhaps cannot be understood at first glance.

ILLUSTRATION

Well, it helps me to see that the couple are together and the others are not waiting to see what they say, to see what they whisper, to see how it goes, but rather that they see or can be with total freedom and it is very interesting that good things are done in different situations because what is common or easy or at least in the world what happens is that it is about disguising and hiding what we do not want the other to see, however when we see that well, we are in common activities, it is easier or it is It is more difficult to hide that, so how good it is that we look for these situations so that we encourage those situations so that there is that way of seeing one another.

And also seeing the images and reading what is written at the bottom of these images says that they are activities in which it is easy to talk because maybe we have a courtship in which we do not stop going to the movies, doing things with friends because we can be We are always very entertained with that person because we do not have a quiet moment to talk calmly, so this balance must be sought because it is not easy because as we see, they are with siblings but they have a quiet moment to do activities but they have time to talk and have those conversations that are those that get to know the other person.

Series of images: 1. A couple are sitting together in a cafe chatting animatedly. 2. Another couple is cooking together at a social gathering. 3. A brother and sister talk on a video call. They are studying the jw.org article “What Can I Expect from Marriage?” Part 1.” The brother has the Bible open in front of him. Something that will help couples get to know each other better is to participate in activities where it is easy to talk. (See paragraphs 7 and 8).

8. What are some benefits of couples studying together?

Studying together allows you to incorporate family worship from the beginning, which is essential to having God as a central part of your future life together. Ecclesiastes 4:12 mentions the strength offered by unity in worship and common principles.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Through joint study, couples can observe and understand the other person's spirituality. This helps evaluate whether your values ​​and beliefs are compatible and whether you are both committed to biblical principles.

Joint study opens the door to meaningful discussions on topics related to dating, marriage, and family life. Max and Laysa, from the United States, found that this allowed them to address important topics that otherwise would not have arisen naturally, strengthening their communication and mutual understanding.

And also an interesting detail that the example in the paragraph mentions is that thanks to doing this kind of study as a family, it will allow us to bring up topics that perhaps otherwise would not be so easy to bring up or would not arise naturally and this is the conducive environment to raise topics that are very important to make a good decision. 

OTHER FACTORS THAT SHOULD BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT

9. What should couples take into account when deciding who they are going to tell that they are dating?

Couples should consider who they are going to tell about their relationship based on their need for support and good advice. It is advisable to tell a few trusted people, such as family members, mature friends or the elderly, to avoid the pressure of many questions. At the same time, it is important not to completely isolate yourself, as sharing your relationship with others can provide guidance and support at this stage.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Well, they have to think about who they want to tell, perhaps at the beginning of the relationship because they don't want much to be known, but it is good that there are people who know because, as Proverbs 15:22 says, when there is no good communication, plans fail and with Many counselors achieve good results, so the couple will need mature brothers who can give them advice and also allow them to be accompanied and not isolate themselves.

The fact that they do not tell anyone can perhaps be dangerous because it can cause them to isolate themselves in the end and that leads them to be in uncomfortable situations that could perhaps put them in danger.

10. What will help the couple have a clean courtship? (Proverbs 22:3).

Also make a habit of talking about what steps you can take to respect Jehovah's standards during dating.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Dawit and Almaz, from Ethiopia, made sure to spend time with friends or in public places. Avoiding being alone in a car or in a house helps reduce temptations and keep dating within appropriate limits.

Avoiding discussing immoral topics and abstaining from behaviors such as excessive alcohol consumption helps maintain a respectful environment and reduce the intensity of sexual desires. Ephesians 5:3 highlights the importance of maintaining morality in conduct and conversations.

Well, follow the good suggestion of our brothers from Ethiopia. They say that they spent time with friends in places where there were also many people and they never stayed alone in the vehicle or in a house, why, because this way they avoided dangers that could arise in other circumstances.

11. What should couples keep in mind about displays of affection?

Couples should keep in mind that as their relationship progresses, they may decide to show affection in appropriate ways. However, it is crucial that they are aware that sexual desires can intensify, which could cloud their judgment and lead to inappropriate situations. Therefore, it is important that from the beginning of the courtship they talk about the limits they will establish regarding displays of affection, making sure that these do not compromise their integrity or the principles they wish to follow.

Well, follow the good suggestion of our brothers from Ethiopia. They say that they spent time with friends in places where there were also many people and they never stayed alone in the vehicle or in a house, why, because this way they avoided dangers that could arise in other circumstances.

These feelings make you lose objectivity and not realize the reality of the other person and whether you are really compatible with them or not.

And they have to talk about the limits that they are going to set and that they are limits always based on biblical principles that they can investigate together and once these limits are established they will be much more prepared to face situations like the one that is being discussed. .

They can have their place but with limits, which is why the paragraph talked about talking in advance what those limits are in view of biblical principles.

Yes, because as we have seen, caresses can have their place but with limits, which is why the paragraph talked about talking in advance what those limits are in view of the biblical principles, for example in the box it is mentioned that some form of Caresses are sexual immorality such as caressing the sexual organs or even talking on the phone about certain topics that border on pornography and things like that and this could lead to the boyfriends or the people involved facing a court hearing.

That's why in proverbs when we read it talked about an inexperienced person moving forward and suffering the consequences, so be clear about what it could lead us to ignore Jehovah's principles, that is, the couples do have this clear and talk about it and think about the consequences will surely help them set limits and have a clean courtship. 

12. What should couples keep in mind when problems and disagreements arise?

When problems and disagreements arise, couples should remember that it is normal to have differences of opinion and that this does not necessarily indicate that their relationship is going wrong. It is essential that you evaluate how you handle these disagreements, since the way you deal with problems can be an indication of what your marriage will be like.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

They should ask themselves if they are able to communicate calmly and respectfully, admit their mistakes, strive to improve, compromise, apologize, and forgive. If disagreements are constant and difficult to resolve, it could be a sign that the relationship is not right and that it would be best to consider ending the courtship.

But they should think that it may be normal to have some disagreement and that does not mean that the relationship is going bad but it is important how they try to resolve those disagreements and know how to do it as the paragraph says with respect, knowing how to apologize and knowing how to forgive as well.

You cannot think that the problems are going to disappear when you get married, so if I remind you of constant arguments and constant fights, it is best to break the engagement because it is not going to come to fruition.

And we also have to take into account that depending on the family from which the other person comes, they may face differences of opinion differently than us, so it is good to learn and decide how we solve the tests together, how we do it as a couple.

13. What should couples take into account when deciding how long their courtship should last?

It is important to take the time to get to know the other person well and evaluate the relationship deeply. Hasty decisions can lead to future problems, as mentioned in Proverbs 21:5.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Although it is essential to take the time to get to know your partner well, it is also important to avoid postponing the decision unnecessarily. Proverbs 13:12 points out that prolonged expectations can cause disappointment and emotional distress.

The longer the courtship lasts, the greater the difficulty it may be in resisting sexual temptations. 1 Corinthians 7:9 suggests that if a couple has difficulty controlling their desires, a shorter duration may be more prudent to avoid problems.

Yes, we must also keep in mind that the longer the courtship lasts, it may be more difficult to resist sexual temptations, as they say in first Corinthians 7:9, if they do not have control over getting married, so it should also be a balanced thing.

HOW OTHERS CAN SUPPORT THE COUPLES

14. What are some ways to help the couple? (See also the image).

In the image you can see that the two boyfriends at a social gathering are not alone but they are sitting together and can have a private conversation that is a way to help them.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Some ways to help couples include inviting them to group activities, such as going out to eat or participating in family gatherings, allowing them to get to know each other better in a safe environment. We can also offer to accompany them or provide a space where they can talk without being alone, thus providing support and guidance in their relationship.

Galatians 6:10 says that while we have the opportunity we do good to everyone and especially to our brothers in the faith, so we have the opportunity to do good to those engaged couples because when we offer to accompany them, take them somewhere or They can come home so they can be together and not be alone.

So as we see, it is not at all degrading to accompany the bride and groom but rather it is a way of providing our help and as it says, we must be observant in these cases, as the paragraph says, neither give them space nor leave them completely alone.

ILLUSTRATION

Two boyfriends are at a social gathering, sitting together and having a private conversation. If we know a couple, let's look for ways to help them. (See paragraphs 14 and 15).

15. How else can we help the couple? (Proverbs 12:18).

We should not talk about the couple or criticize them for personal matters. Proverbs 20:19 and Romans 14:10 teach us not to judge or spread rumors. It's also important to avoid comments or questions that assume the couple will get married, especially if they haven't talked openly about their plans.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Respect for Personal Decisions, Couples should have control over when and how to share details about their relationship. Elise and her husband mention that they felt uncomfortable with premature questions about their wedding plans, since they had not even discussed the topic with each other. Respecting the couple's rhythm and decisions helps maintain an environment of support and understanding.

Proverbs 20:19 also gives us good advice, which is that we do not want to reveal confidential conversations, that is, we do not want to give news that is not ours and perhaps there are boyfriends who want to take their boyfriend with their family and close friends and we would do well not to divulge things. that does not correspond to us.

And as we have mentioned before, the purpose of courtship is for them to get to know each other because we cannot think that perhaps they will come to fruition in that relationship that they are going to get married, so let's not make them feel uncomfortable by asking about the details of their wedding because sometimes Sometimes we don't know if they are going to get married in the end or not.

16. What should we do if we find out that a couple broke up?

If we find out that a couple has decided to break up, it is important not to try to find out the reasons for the separation or take sides. We must be respectful and avoid speculation, as this can cause pain to the people involved. Instead, it is essential to offer emotional support, recognizing that the breakup can be difficult and that it often serves its purpose of helping the couple make a good decision about their future.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

1 Peter 4:15 says not to interfere in other people's affairs, this would be trying to find out why they separated and let's not take sides in it, so it is good that we realize that courtship means that they can make a good decision and that if They break up because we already know that the decision they have made because of the circumstances that have existed is that they have had to leave it.

Proverbs 17:17 reminds us that a true friend loves at all times and if a couple breaks up the best thing we can do is be available to reach out and offer emotional support.

And sometimes we can err on the side of meddling in other people's affairs, as First Peter said, but if we read this text, the first thing it says is that none of you should suffer for being a murderer, thief, criminal, or meddling in other people's affairs. I mean, he was talking about very serious things that none of us want. be and they put it in the same sentence, so sometimes we meditate on this so that many times, as the paragraph says, we simply do not have a party and we do not talk about what we should not. 

17. What should the couple continue doing?

Despite the challenges, it is important to remain committed and work on the relationship. This involves communicating openly and honestly, and addressing any issues with patience and dedication.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Use the time of dating to evaluate whether you are both ready to take the next step toward marriage. This includes considering compatibility in values, goals, and expectations.

So if both of them make an effort to know each other well, in the end they will fulfill the purpose of courtship, which is that they can make a good decision. As we saw, it is neither that they have to get married or that they don't have to, but rather that it helps them to be able to make decisions. a decision that benefits others.

WHAT WOULD YOU ANSWER?

What is the purpose of courtship?

The purpose of dating is how to build a solid foundation in a relationship that can lead to marriage and the most important thing is to be spiritually related and that the love is mutual.

Whether knowing each other better in all facets of life and being able to make a decision can be getting married or ending the relationship. 

What can couples do to get to know each other better?

If the idea has been highlighted that you have to spend time together but you also have to participate in activities in which it is easy to talk, that is, it is not enough to just spend time together but to create that environment where the couple can talk openly about those essential topics and see what type of spirituality they have, what type of relationship they have with Jehovah and see their defects, their virtues and know if they are going to be able to live with that type of people.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

And it has also been recommended that they study together to lay a good foundation and so that conversations about the relationship arise.

It was also emphasized that one must know how to listen and also be frank and speak openly, meaning one cannot hide things, it is best to be sincere.

Well, I was talking about who could be told that you were going to start a courtship, some may prefer to tell a few people but at least someone should tell them, those people who can give you good advice, whether they are elderly or relatives of their friends, also put limits so that the courtship is not contaminated and can be kept clean, I also talked about what to do when problems and disagreements arise since if you are always arguing maybe it is better to leave the courtship and also how long the courtship should last once you have the relationship. Enough time to ask yourself what else you need to know about the other person to make a decision.

How can the other siblings support the couple?

Other siblings can support the couple in the following ways: Offer opportunities to socialize in a group and prevent them from being alone. Join them on outings to reduce temptations and promote healthy coexistence. Do not talk about your personal plans without their consent and avoid rumors. Be attentive to their emotional needs and provide support during difficult times.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Yes, one of the points that we saw taking into account what we say, if perhaps we find out about the only ones we know about the courtship, then not to tell it to another, we also saw that we should not go around talking about them or criticizing them for personal matters and also not do comments or questions that take for granted when they are going to get married.

And we can share the time with them, offer them that if they want to be together, they can come home if they want or invite them to the family studio, make things easier for them and be a little discerning and even if we do group activities and such, give them a little space so that They can talk at certain times that will help them get to know each other.