Yellow: Direct Response
Light Yellow: Additional Response
Celeste: Additional Points
“I will give you counsel with my eyes fixed on you” (Ps. 32:8).
1. Who should advise others, and why?
SOME people find it easy to give advice, while others find it difficult and uncomfortable. Whatever our situation, we all need to give advice to others from time to time. Because? Because Jesus said that love would identify his true disciples (John 13:35). And one way to show that we love our brothers and sisters is by giving them advice when they need it. The Word of God says that “sweet friendship” is born from “sincere counsel.” (Prov. 27:9).
2. What do elders need to know how to do, and why? (See also the box “How to Give Advice at the Midweek Meeting.”)
2 Elders especially need to know how to give good counsel, for Jehovah and Jesus have entrusted them with the responsibility of shepherding the congregation. (1 Pet. 5:2, 3) How do they accomplish this task? One way is by presenting talks containing biblically based advice. Another way is by counseling each sheep in the congregation individually, including those who have strayed from the fold. How can elders—indeed, all of us—give good advice when needed?
3. a) How can we learn to give good advice? (Isaiah 9:6; see also the box “Follow Jesus’ Example When Giving Advice.”) b) What will we cover in this article?
3 We can learn a lot about how to give good advice by looking at the examples of some Bible characters. The best example of all is Jesus, whom the Bible calls “Wonderful Counselor.” (read Isaiah 9:6). In this article, we'll look at what to do when someone asks for advice and what to do when we need to give advice without being asked. We'll also talk about how important it is to give advice at the right time and in the right way.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS US FOR ADVICE
4, 5. What should we ask ourselves when someone asks us for advice? Give an example.
4. What's the first thing we should do when someone asks us for advice? We might feel flattered and want to give an answer right away. But it's better to first ask ourselves: "Do I know enough about this topic to give good advice?" Sometimes the best thing we can do is help you find someone who can advise you better than we can.
5 Let's take an example. Let's imagine a good friend has a serious illness. One day, they tell us they've been researching the various treatments available and ask us which one we think is best. We may be very clear about what we would do. But if we're not doctors or don't have the proper training to treat that illness, the best thing we can do is help our friend find someone who is prepared.
6. Why might we decide to wait before giving advice?
6 We may sometimes think that we know enough about a topic to give someone advice. Still, we may decide to wait a bit before giving you an answer. Why? Because, as Proverbs 15:28 says, "The heart of the righteous ponders before they give an answer." Therefore, even if we think we know the answer, it's a good idea to take time to research, pray, and meditate. This way, the advice we give will be more likely to align with Jehovah's point of view. Let's look at what happened to the prophet Nathan.
7. What does Nathan's example teach us?
7 When King David told Nathan he wanted to build a temple for Jehovah, the prophet immediately replied that he thought it was a good idea. But Jehovah did not want David to build the temple. Nathan should have consulted Jehovah before giving his opinion. (1 Chron. 17:1-4) This story teaches us that when someone asks us for advice, it is good to be “slow to speak.” (James 1:19).
8. What is another reason to be careful when giving advice?
8 What is another reason to be careful when advising someone? That if, based on our advice, someone makes a decision that has negative consequences, we could be partly responsible. So it's a good idea to think carefully before giving any advice.
WHEN WE HAVE TO GIVE ADVICE WITHOUT BEING ASKED
9. What should elders be sure of before advising a brother? (Galatians 6:1)
9 Sometimes the elders need to take the initiative and counsel a brother who has taken “a false step,” as Galatians 6:1 says (read it). A study note on this verse explains that this refers to a person who “is going in the wrong direction, though perhaps he has not yet fallen into serious sin.” The elders’ goal is to help him continue walking on the path that leads to eternal life (James 5:19, 20). Now, the first thing you should do is make sure that the brother has really made a mistake and that it is not a matter of personal choice. After all, Jehovah has given each of us the freedom to make certain decisions based on our conscience. (Rom. 14:1-4) But if the elders see that he has truly made a false step, what is the best way to advise him?
10-12. What should elders do when they need to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it? Give an example (see also the pictures).
10 It's not easy for elders to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it. Why? Because the apostle Paul said that a person could make a false step without realizing it and therefore not be aware that they need advice. So, before advising her, the elders should do several things to make it easier for her to accept the advice.
11 Let's take an example. Before planting seeds in hard ground, the farmer must first plow the soil to soften it and prepare it for growth. Then he sows the seeds and finally waters them. Similarly, before giving unsolicited advice, an elder must "prepare the ground." For starters, it will be easier for the brother to accept such advice if the elder already has a reputation for being caring and kind. So, when the elder sees that the time is right, he can tell him that, since he appreciates and cares for him, he would like to talk to him about something.
12 During the conversation, the elder can continue to “soften the ground” by acknowledging that we all make mistakes and need advice from time to time. (Rom. 3:23). With great tact and respect, he will clearly show you, using the Bible, what misstep you have taken. Once the brother realizes his mistake, the elder will “plant the seed” by explaining in a simple way what he needs to do to correct it. Finally, he will “water” the seed by congratulating the brother for the things he is doing well and praying with him. (James 5:15).
ILLUSTRATION
Scenes showing how an elder advising a brother is similar to a farmer planting a seed in hard ground. 1. Prepares the ground: The farmer plows the soil, and the elder speaks lovingly to the brother. 2. Plants the seed: The farmer sows the seed in the softened soil, and the elder uses the Bible to reason with the brother. 3. Waters the seed: The farmer waters the seed, and the elder prays with the brother.
Elders need love and skill to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it. (See paragraphs 10-12.)
13. What can elders do to ensure that the person has understood the advice correctly?
13 Sometimes an elder may say one thing, but the brother receiving the advice may understand something different. What can the elders do to avoid this misunderstanding? You can ask tactful questions to make sure the person has understood the advice and knows how to apply it. (Ecl. 12:11).
AT THE RIGHT TIME AND IN THE RIGHT WAY
14. Why shouldn't we give advice when we are angry?
14 Since we are all imperfect, sooner or later we will do or say things that upset others (Col. 3:13). The Bible says that sometimes we can even get angry with each other. (Eph. 4:26). But we must resist the urge to give advice when we're angry. Why? Because “human anger does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). If we give advice out of anger, we will likely only make things worse. That doesn't mean we should never tell the person who offended us how we feel. But it's better to wait until we're calm before speaking. Let's see what we can learn from Elihu, who gave Job good advice.
15. What does Elihu's example teach us? (See also the image.)
15 Elihu listened for several days as Job defended himself against the accusations of his so-called friends. Although he felt sorry for Job, he was also furious with him because, in his defense, he said things about Jehovah that were not true. Even so, he waited patiently until it was his turn to speak, and then he advised Job calmly and respectfully (Job 32:2; 33:1-7). His example teaches us a very important lesson: advice must be given at the right time and in the right way, that is, with respect and love. (Ecl. 3:1, 7).
ILLUSTRATION
Elihu listens with empathy to Job, who is covered with boils.
Although Elihu was enraged with Job, he waited for Job to calm down and then gave him respectful advice. (See paragraph 15.)
LET'S NOT STOP GIVING AND ACCEPTING GOOD ADVICE
16. What do you learn from Psalm 32:8?
16 The theme text for this article says that Jehovah counsels us with his eyes on us. (Read Psalm 32:8.) This means that when he gives us advice, he's still there to help us put it into practice. What a great example! When we have to give someone advice, let us imitate Jehovah and remain attentive to that person to help him or her in any way we can to apply the advice.
17. What can be said about elders who give specific, biblically based advice? (Isaiah 32:1, 2)
17 Now more than ever, we need to give and receive good advice (2 Tim. 3:1). Elders who give specific, biblically based advice are “like streams of water in a dry land.” (read Isaiah 32:1, 2). We are so grateful to have friends who know what we want to hear but dare to tell us what we need to hear. Their words are as precious as "apples of gold in settings of silver." (Prov. 25:11). Let us continue to cultivate the wisdom we need to both give good advice and accept it.
WHAT SHOULD WE REMEMBER IN THE FOLLOWING SITUATIONS?
When we are asked for advice.
When someone asks us for advice, it's natural to feel flattered and want to respond immediately. However, the wisest thing to do is to pause for a moment and ask ourselves: "Do I know enough about this topic to give them good advice?" Sometimes, the most sensible thing we can do is acknowledge our limitations and direct the person to someone more qualified, who can better help them.
When we have to give advice without being asked.
When we have to give unsolicited advice, we must remember that, just as we "prepare the ground" before planting seeds in hard soil, we too must create a suitable and receptive environment before offering advice. Just as a farmer softens the soil before sowing, we must act with tact and prudence so that the advice can be well received.
When we are angry.
We must remember that, since we are all imperfect, sooner or later we will do or say things that upset others. The Bible says that, at times, we may even get angry with one another. We must also remember that “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” If we give advice out of anger, we will likely only make things worse.
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