“I will give you counsel with my eyes fixed on you” (Ps. 32:8).
1. Who should advise others, and why?
We all need to give advice to others at times, because it's a way of showing Christian love. Jesus taught that love identifies his true disciples, and giving advice when someone needs it is a way of expressing that love. Furthermore, sincere advice can strengthen friendships, as the Bible indicates in Proverbs 27:9.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We all need to counsel others from time to time; it's a way of showing that we love our brothers and sisters, and Jesus said that such love would identify his true disciples.
Everyone who loves Jehovah and their neighbor, and who seeks the good of others, is qualified to counsel others. They do so not because they want to impose themselves, but because they desire to serve and uplift others with words of love and truth.
And while it's not always easy, and in fact can sometimes even be uncomfortable, Proverbs 27:9 says that sincere advice can lead to sweet friendship.
2. What do elders need to know how to do, and why? (See also the box “How to Give Advice at the Midweek Meeting.”)
Elders must know how to give sound counsel because Jehovah and Jesus have entrusted them with the responsibility of shepherding the congregation. They fulfill this role by presenting talks with biblically based advice and by giving individual counsel to members, even those who have strayed from the flock.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Because we see that this is what Jehovah has entrusted to you. First Peter 5:2-3 says that you are to shepherd the flock, not out of obligation, but giving counsel willingly and in love. It also says that you are not to act as if you were masters of those who are God's heritage, but rather that you are to be an example to all.
In 1 Peter 5:3 we are told to be an example to the flock. This is also an indirect way of giving advice: with our example, we can help others make good decisions.
If our brothers and sisters see that we are accustomed to making good decisions based on biblical principles, it not only indirectly gives us more authority to advise, but they can also imitate our example.
They can do this in a general way through a speech, giving advice based on the Bible, and also individually to each sheep in the congregation, even those who have strayed.
As we see in the box, the elders give advice during the midweek meeting, and it's something we see regularly. Every week they pay close attention to how the students present their assignments and then give them advice: they praise them for what they've done well, but they also point out areas for improvement that, as Proverbs 27:17 says, help us become better and sharpen us like a sword. That way, we can use that good advice to make progress.
The box mentions the text from Proverbs 27:17, which says, "Iron sharpens iron." A reference work explained that to achieve this, two things are needed: first, another piece of iron, and second, using a specific technique. Simply beating one iron against another is not enough to sharpen it.
Although the text of 1 Peter 5:2-3 refers specifically to elders, we too must prepare our hearts and our words so that, as Proverbs 27:17 says, we may be the "iron" our brother needs, and also know how to use the appropriate techniques. This article will give us the necessary advice to apply these two steps.
3. a) How can we learn to give good advice? (Isaiah 9:6; see also the box “Follow Jesus’ Example When Giving Advice.”)
We can learn to give good advice by observing the example of Bible characters, especially Jesus, who is called the "Wonderful Counselor." That way, we'll know what to do when someone asks us for advice, how to give it without being asked, and how to give it at the right time and in the right way.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We can learn a lot by looking at the examples of Bible characters. The best of all is Jesus, who is called the "Wonderful Counselor."
Isaiah describes what this good counselor would be like. That's why he's called the Prince of Peace; that is, he's given epithets we can look to in order to imitate how he advised, how he acted, and how his words affect us today.
When we read Isaiah 9:6 and see that Jesus is called "Wonderful Counselor," one wonders, "And how was Jesus this wonderful counselor?" The point in the box that Jesus knew just what to say is interesting. And sometimes that's exactly what we lack: we don't know what to say, nor the right moment to say it when someone asks us for advice or when we see they need it.
Jesus relied on Jehovah's wisdom, not his own. So this is a very valuable lesson: if we want to give good advice, we must not be guided by what we think, or what we usually say or believe, but rather seek that advice in Jehovah's Word.
Jesus relied on Jehovah's wisdom, not his own. So this is a very valuable lesson: if we want to give good advice, we must not be guided by what we think, or what we usually say or believe, but rather seek that advice in Jehovah's Word.
In John 16:12, Jesus says he had many things to say to them, but that it would be too much for them at that time. We see that, when it came to counseling, he didn't tell them everything they needed to know at once, because they wouldn't be able to absorb it all.
Like Jesus, we too should wait for the right moment to speak and, when giving advice, not offer too much information so as not to discourage the person, but rather tell them what they really need at that moment to face the problem they are facing.
Jesus knew how to counsel with tact. This is very important because if we want someone to listen to us, the more respectful we are when we speak, the better our message will be received. In fact, the paragraph mentions that Jesus even had to rebuke the apostles on several occasions for the same issue, related to humility. However, despite this, he always did so calmly and respectfully.
3. b) What will we see in this article?
In this article, we'll look at what to do when someone asks for advice, what to do when we need to give it unsolicited, and how important it is to give it at the right time and in the right way.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
In this article, we'll see that if someone asks us for advice—or even if we have to give it even if it wasn't asked—we should make sure we do it at the right time and in the right way.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS US FOR ADVICE
4, 5. What should we ask ourselves when someone asks us for advice? Give an example.
When someone asks us for advice, we should ask ourselves: "Do I know enough about this topic to give you good advice?" If we recognize that we lack the necessary knowledge, it's best to help them find someone who can provide appropriate advice.
For example, if a friend has a serious illness and tells us they've been researching various treatments available for their condition and asks us which one we think is best, we may have our own opinion on the matter. But if we're not a doctor or trained in that field, it would be best to help them find someone who is trained and can better guide them.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
At first, we might feel quite flattered to think, "Great, he's asking me for advice!" But if we're truly unprepared on the subject, instead of giving quick advice, it's better to reconsider and think, "If I don't know much about this subject, it's better to direct him to someone who can give him the right information. That would be better advice than mine."
Let's imagine a good friend has a serious illness and tells us they've been researching different treatments. They then ask us which one we think is best. We may personally think we have it figured out, but if we're not doctors or don't have adequate training in the subject, the best thing we can do is help our friend find someone who is qualified. That way, we avoid giving advice we're not qualified to provide.
When giving advice, it's essential to be humble and consider whether we're qualified to respond or advise. Sometimes, it's best to help the person find someone who can guide them better than we can.
This is also a sign of love, because in the end, we should be concerned about what the person is best off hearing and whether what we say could have a positive or negative effect on them, especially in a health situation, as mentioned in the paragraph. So let's be more concerned about the person's well-being than about making ourselves look good.
6. Why might we decide to wait before giving advice?
Because even if we think we know enough about the subject, it's wise to follow the advice of Proverbs 15:28 and meditate before answering. By taking time to research, pray, and reflect, we increase the likelihood that our advice will be in harmony with Jehovah's point of view.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Proverbs 15:28 says that the heart of the righteous ponders before answering. So, even if we think we know the answer, it's best to take time to research, pray, and meditate before answering; this way, it will be more likely that what we say will align with Jehovah's point of view.
Taking time also helps us reflect and consider what the reaction to our comments might be. And if we think our comment might be negative or inappropriate, it's best to let it go. What we want is to fulfill what Proverbs 12:18 says: not to speak words that are like stabs from a sword, but to speak positively that will result in true healing.
This recommendation is especially important. If we are asked a question or question about a matter we feel comfortable with, we may think we know how to respond. However, as mentioned, it is appropriate for us to reflect before speaking and, above all, to seek information and pray. Because, if we do this, what we say will not simply be what we think, but will be based on biblical principles.
It's very noticeable when someone gives us advice based solely on personal experience, as opposed to when they have actually studied and backed up what they say with a scripture and reasoning from a Watchtower. It's much more valuable to receive advice based on biblical principles, because it reflects Jehovah's thoughts on the subject.
Even if we think we know the answer, it's always a good idea to take time to research, pray, and meditate. That way, even if we think we have the answer, we can ensure that the advice we give our brother or sister truly comes from Jehovah.
7. What does Nathan's example teach us?
Nathan's example teaches us that, before giving advice, it is important to consult Jehovah and not rush to respond. Although his intentions were good, he erred in giving his opinion without first seeking divine guidance. Therefore, this story reminds us of the importance of being "slow to speak," as James 1:19 says.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We must apply the principle of James 1:19: be slow to speak, for the same thing could happen to us as to Nathan. When David presented his idea to Nathan, he, without giving it much thought, told him that it seemed fine to him, but that it was not Jehovah's will.
Nathan told David the same thing that many of us would have said: “How could it possibly be a bad idea for you to build a temple for Jehovah? Come on, don't even think about it, get on with it right now.” That was the logical thing to do, humanly speaking. But Nathan's mistake was not consulting Jehovah first, because He had another idea. And that can happen to us too. We may have an idea that seems good, but it's better to wait and consult with Jehovah and His organization.
In the account, Nathan says, "Do what your heart tells you." And sometimes that's the advice we give or are given: "Follow your hunch." But the Watchtower encourages us to do just the opposite: think it through, consider it carefully, and then offer advice that's in line with Jehovah's hopes, not a momentary impulse.
The text of James 1:19 protects us in many ways by showing us the importance of being “quick to listen, but slow to speak.” Although they were two mature men, David and Nathan, both had the best intentions and were apparently satisfied with the advice, both the receiver and the giver. But, as has been clearly pointed out, Nathan should have been slower to speak and made sure of Jehovah's mind.
8. What is another reason to be careful when giving advice?
Another reason to be careful when giving advice is that if someone makes a decision based on our advice and it has negative consequences, we could be partly responsible. Therefore, it's important to think carefully before giving advice to someone.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Another reason to be careful when giving advice is that if, based on our advice, someone makes a decision that could have negative consequences, we will bear some of the responsibility.
We must think carefully about what we are going to say and when we are going to say it, because we may induce the other person to act incorrectly.
If a brother is asking us for guidance on something he has been meditating and praying to Jehovah about for a long time, we must be careful. If we are negligent, we could affect everything the brother had previously thought and meditated on. In that case, we would bear some responsibility, which stems from not taking enough time and not involving Jehovah adequately to be able to give him sound advice.
WHEN WE HAVE TO GIVE ADVICE WITHOUT BEING ASKED
9. What should elders be sure of before advising a brother? (Galatians 6:1)
The elders must first ensure that the brother has truly made a mistake and that it is not a personal decision based on his conscience. This is important because Jehovah has given us the freedom to make certain decisions according to our conscience. If it is confirmed that the brother has made a mistake, they should proceed to advise him on the best way to help him return to the path that leads to eternal life.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
First, we must make sure that the brother is actually making a false move, because it may be a matter of personal choice. The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, already warned against judging other Christians in matters of conscience. We don't want to be like that congregation, where some judged others for decisions and actions that didn't violate biblical principles. Hence the importance of ascertaining firsthand whether or not a false move is actually being made.
If it is confirmed that the brother has made a false step, he should be advised in the best way to help him return to the path that leads to eternal life.
It may be that he has made a mistake; not necessarily a serious sin, but he may be on the verge of committing one. That's why we must be very attentive to our brothers, especially those who have that responsibility, so that they don't reach that point.
The note referring to a misstep says that the term used can refer to any offense, from a simple error in judgment to a serious violation of God's law, and makes it clear that the person is not acting in accordance with God's righteous standards.
10-12. What should elders do when they need to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it? Give an example (see also the pictures).
When elders must give unsolicited advice to someone, they must first "prepare the ground" so that the person will more readily accept that advice. This means the elder should have a reputation for being caring and kind, and wait for the right moment to speak with the brother, expressing appreciation and concern for him.
For example, just as a farmer first plows the hard ground, then sows the seeds, and finally waters them, the elder should “soften the ground” throughout the conversation, recognizing that we all make mistakes and need guidance. Then, with tact and respect, he or she “plants the seed” by showing the person the mistake they made from the Bible. Finally, he or she will “water the seed,” encouraging and praising them for what they do well and praying with them.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
A good example is the field: before planting seeds in hard soil, the farmer must first plow the land. Plowing is not the same as fertilizing; plowing is a specific action in which furrows are opened and the earth is turned over. Therefore, the brother—or the elder—must first prepare the ground, that is, determine how to approach the brother before offering guidance.
They have to be very tactful, because as Paul says, anyone who makes a false step without realizing it doesn't know they're making it. So you have to tell them what they're doing wrong, but for them to accept it, your words must be kind and you must also be very tactful.
This first step of preparing the land doesn't happen overnight. A farmer can take weeks to prepare the land, depending on the type of soil he's tilling. Similarly, an elder must prepare the land long enough to move on to the next step: planting the seed.
The image shows us that the brother is wearing different clothes than the one he wears later, when they plant the seed, which allows us to understand that some time has passed.
It can also make it easier for the person needing advice to accept it willingly if they trust that the person giving it has already shown them affection, concern, and kindness. It's not the first time that, due to a problem, they have suddenly appeared to offer advice. This way, it makes it easier for the person to accept it with confidence.
The paragraph says we must be loving and kind. Of course, this can't be achieved at the same time or on the same day the advice is given, because otherwise, the brother won't feel open or have the confidence to express himself well.
It's each of our responsibilities to examine ourselves and ask ourselves: Are we truly caring when we speak to our siblings? Are we kind enough to offer effective advice in the future? Each of us must work on that.
Once the necessary steps have been taken, we can clearly show him, using the Bible, what misstep he has taken. That is, it's not just our personal opinion, although it may be correct; it's the Bible that has to speak. Then, it's also very important to explain in a simple way what he must do to correct that misstep and how he can improve his relationship with Jehovah.
We have to recognize that we all make mistakes, and when we've made one, we don't like to be spoken to harshly, even if we've made a mistake. We appreciate being spoken to kindly, knowing that we all make mistakes. Therefore, if we speak the same way to the person we're advising and demonstrate with our tone and gestures that we appreciate them and want to help them, it will be easier to plant that seed.
We've seen that the seed has already been planted; the next step would be to water it. What would that mean? It means congratulating the brother if he's taking positive steps. It means being aware that the seed is germinating well and congratulating him for moving forward, recognizing that this is the best he can do.
In the image, you can see the elder praying with the other brother. The best message we can convey to our brother is to leave things in Jehovah's hands, showing that what we say is not for our benefit, but for His, and that we also ask for Jehovah's blessing so that the plant will grow strong.
Precisely when you sow a seed or plant something, you water it not just once, but many times. Therefore, what you need is love and concern for that brother or sister, to be attentive to them and help them whenever they need it.
ILLUSTRATION
Scenes showing how an elder advising a brother is similar to a farmer planting a seed in hard ground. 1. Prepares the ground: The farmer plows the soil, and the elder speaks lovingly to the brother. 2. Plants the seed: The farmer sows the seed in the softened soil, and the elder uses the Bible to reason with the brother. 3. Waters the seed: The farmer waters the seed, and the elder prays with the brother.
Elders need love and skill to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it. (See paragraphs 10-12.)
13. What can elders do to ensure that the person has understood the advice correctly?
Elders can tactfully ask questions to ensure the person has fully understood the advice and knows how to apply it, thus avoiding misunderstandings.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
The comparison made in Ecclesiastes 12:11 is very interesting. It says that the words of the wise are like goads and nails firmly planted. The explanation shows that the goads were sharp rods used to guide animals. In the same way, sound and loving advice guides sincere people in the right direction.
Well-placed nails, on the other hand, stabilize structures, and advice can also stabilize our lives. That's why it's very important to make sure the person—a brother or sister—has fully understood the advice so they can put it into practice.
Questions are very important because sometimes what someone says isn't always understood. Questions like, "What do you think about what we talked about?" allow the person to give their perspective. Then, we can ask, "What did you take away from the conversation?" This can be surprising, because sometimes what we think we said isn't exactly what the other person understood. It also allows us to readjust or tweak the conversation in some way.
To ensure that the brother has understood the advice given, the elder can ask him questions related to what has been explained. Depending on the brother's answer, the elder can immediately tell whether he has understood or not.
AT THE RIGHT TIME AND IN THE RIGHT WAY
14. Why shouldn't we give advice when we are angry?
We shouldn't give advice when we're angry because, as James 1:20 says, "Human anger does not produce the righteousness of God." If we give advice when we're angry, we'll likely only make the situation worse. Although it's important to express how we feel, it's better to wait until we're calm before speaking so that the advice will be more effective and constructive.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Since we are all imperfect, conflicts will always arise. Sometimes we will be the ones who offend others, and other times we will feel offended. If we feel offended and get angry, that is not the time to clarify or express to the other person that what they did was wrong.
It is better to calm down, and when we are calm and have meditated on what has happened and what Jehovah says about the matter, then we should address the brother who has offended us.
As James 1:20 says, anger does not produce righteousness. If we're angry, we'll probably say things rudely, and the person won't even want to listen. But if we prepare ourselves, they'll probably listen and even follow our advice.
Let's remember that, in most cases, once we let a day or two pass after an offense, there's probably no need to say anything. Therefore, it's always best to remain calm, as sometimes we can overlook the offense and there's no need to intervene.
You only have to look at Jesus' example. Jesus also had to correct his disciples for things they did wrong. At no point do you see or read that he was irritated, angry, or in a bad mood when he corrected them. This is a very important lesson for us: He never gave advice out of anger, and that's why his advice always yielded good results.
15. What does Elihu's example teach us? (See also the image.)
Elihu's example teaches us that advice should be given at the right time and in the right way, that is, with respect and love. Although he was upset with Job for some things he said about Jehovah that were not true, Elihu patiently waited his turn to speak and advised him calmly and respectfully. This shows us the importance of being patient and careful when giving advice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
His example teaches us a very important lesson: advice must be given at the right time and in the right way, that is, with respect and love.
Elihu demonstrated that there is a time for counsel, as Ecclesiastes 3:7 says: a time to comfort Job's afflicted heart in the face of the many difficulties he was facing. If Elihu hadn't waited patiently for his turn to speak and shown calmness and respect, he would have hurt Job's heart, as also mentioned in Ecclesiastes.
If we want to follow Elihu's example, we must advise by waiting for the appropriate moment and showing love and respect.
Elihu also left us a good example of how to act, and that is that he had reason to be angry, since, as we can see in the story, Job said things about Jehovah that were not true. Even so, Elihu left us an excellent example of not being guided by feelings.
As human beings, we sometimes say, "I should have said this before," or, as time goes by, we think, "I should have waited." This shows us how difficult it is for us to determine the precise moment in which we should act. This is a limitation inherent to human beings, and that's why it sometimes causes disappointment or even ruins friendships. Elihu's example is very valuable because he waited until he had calmed down and then offered advice with great respect.
In the story, we see how Elihu spoke to him with respect, because on two occasions he said, "Please hear my words; please pay attention. I am just like you; I was also formed from clay." He lowered himself to his level, so we see that, even though he was younger, he spoke to him with great respect and affection.
The image shows great tenderness, because, although Elihu was enraged after hearing harsh things about Jehovah from Job for so long, we see the tenderness with which he looked at Job and listened to him. He let him express himself, and Job, although sad and feeling ill, appears calm, content, and happy to receive such advice. Although the advice was harsh, the tenderness with which Elihu addressed him is striking.
Elihu had heard the conversation beforehand and could have gotten angry with Job, because Job said things he didn't understand and that weren't very appropriate at the time, but that didn't lead him to impulsively give advice or get angry. It's proven that many of the times we regret what we've said is because we spoke when we were upset, very excited, or angry. Therefore, Elihu listened first and then gave advice.
ILLUSTRATION
Elihu listens with empathy to Job, who is covered with boils.
Although Elihu was enraged with Job, he waited for Job to calm down and then gave him respectful advice. (See paragraph 15.)
LET'S NOT STOP GIVING AND ACCEPTING GOOD ADVICE
16. What do you learn from Psalm 32:8?
From Psalm 32:8, we learn that Jehovah counsels us with care and attention, keeping his eyes on us. This means that when he gives us advice, he monitors our progress to help us apply it correctly. Therefore, when advising others, we should imitate Jehovah and patiently accompany them to support them in putting the advice into practice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
It's good to follow up on the advice we've given a brother. Even if the advice is given in the best possible way and the brother is very receptive, he may need guidance on how to apply it in his life. Thus, we learn from Jehovah this loving care by following up.
We learn that we must be attentive like Jehovah, helping our brother put the advice into practice. That is, it's not about judging or feeling proud if he followed the advice; the important thing is to help him apply it. Therefore, we can be attentive to see if our brother needs further help.
The Psalm reminds us that the idea is not to take the easy way out, saying, "I don't give any advice to anyone, and that way I'm at peace." We must not stop giving or accepting good advice. It's not about stopping giving advice, but about imitating Jehovah when we give it.
Seeing the affection Jehovah feels for us, and that everything he does is for our benefit, motivates us to do exactly the same with our brothers and sisters. Even if it's hard for us to follow all the steps we've seen so far, the affection we feel for them should motivate us to act as Jehovah acts toward us.
When we give sound advice based on biblical principles, we are actually participating with Jehovah so that He may guide or help the person who is facing a problem or has a doubt. So it is a great responsibility that we should not take lightly, either when giving advice or when receiving it, because we all need good advice at some point.
17. What can be said about elders who give specific, biblically based advice? (Isaiah 32:1, 2)
Elders who give specific, biblically based advice are like “streams of water in a dry land,” providing vital and refreshing help in difficult times. Their advice is valuable and necessary, even though they sometimes say what we need to hear rather than just what we want. Their words are compared to “apples of gold in settings of silver,” showing how precious they are.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
The text we read speaks of being a shelter from the wind or currents in a dry land. So it refers to things that cool us when it's hot or shelter us when it's cold, something we like, appreciate, and always want more of.
2 Timothy 3:1 makes it clear that we are currently in critical times that are difficult to endure. Therefore, now more than ever we need these elders to counsel us.
We are so grateful to have friends who know what we want to hear, but dare to tell us what we need to hear.
What we need is the wisdom to know how to accept and put this good advice into practice when we are given it.
Elders provide vital and refreshing help in difficult times, and their advice is also valuable and necessary.
Sometimes we're going through a difficult time and we want to be guided by our hearts. But Isaiah 32:2 says that our beloved elders are like the shadow of a mighty rock. In those moments, we don't need to be guided by our hearts. These elders, who are friends and treat us with kindness, tell us exactly what we need. It's like that shadow that, if you can't find it, you're desperately missing it.
Proverbs 25:11 tells us, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver.” So, how would we feel if we were given such a gift? We too should express words of gratitude when we receive such a valuable gift.
WHAT SHOULD WE REMEMBER IN THE FOLLOWING SITUATIONS?
When we are asked for advice.
We must ensure we have the necessary knowledge before giving advice. If we are not qualified, it is best to help the person find a professional or someone who can provide appropriate guidance. It is also important to take time to reflect and respond with respect and love.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Our first impulse may be to give a quick answer and feel flattered that we were asked, but we should ask ourselves if we know enough about the topic to give good advice or if it would be better to help find someone else who can give it to someone who needs it.
It's important to reflect on this when we're asked for advice, because if we give bad advice, we're also responsible for the consequences it may bring to that person.
Even if we think we are in a position to give good advice, we have been advised to research, pray, and meditate before doing so.
When we have to give advice without being asked.
We must “set the stage” by being caring and kind, waiting for the right moment to speak, using tact and respect, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes, and helping the person clearly understand the advice so they can accept and apply it.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Make sure the brother has actually made a misstep and that it is not a personal matter or decision.
We must prepare the ground by being friends with our brothers, affectionate and approachable, so that when we have to talk to them, they will be more willing to accept it.
With great tact and respect, the elder will use the Bible to show you exactly what your misstep is, without relying on personal perception.
When we are angry.
We shouldn't give advice when we're angry, because "anger does not produce the righteousness of God." It's better to wait until we're calm so that the advice can be more constructive and not cause more problems.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
As James 1:20 says: “Human anger does not produce the righteousness of God.” Getting angry will likely only make things worse, so it's always best to be calm before speaking.
If we give advice while angry, it would be like pouring salt on an open wound: instead of healing it, we would intensify the pain. That's why we want to imitate Elihu, wait for the right moment, let go of that minor anger, and allow the Bible to speak for us.
Comments
Post a Comment