“I will give you counsel with my eyes fixed on you” (Ps. 32:8).
1. Who should advise others, and why?
All of us, in one way or another, will at some point have to give advice, even if some feel more comfortable doing so than others. Jesus said in John 13:35 that love would identify his disciples, and a very practical way to demonstrate that love is by giving advice when a brother or sister needs it.
Sometimes it's not about talking a lot or using fancy words, but rather showing genuine interest. As Proverbs 27:9 says, "Good advice makes a friendship stronger and sweeter." So, if we give advice with kindness and respect, even if we don't feel confident, we can reflect the Christian love Jesus wants us to have.
2. What do elders need to know how to do, and why? (See also the box “How to Give Advice at the Midweek Meeting.”)
Elders have a very special responsibility, because Jehovah and Jesus entrusted them with shepherding the congregation, as 1 Peter 5:2, 3 says. Therefore, they must know how to give good counsel, and they do so in a variety of ways.
Sometimes they do this through speeches that touch our hearts, because they are based on the Bible; and other times, they do so in personal conversations, even with brothers who may have drifted away.
We also see a very clear example in the midweek meeting, when the president sincerely congratulates the student and, if necessary, tactfully offers specific suggestions. This encourages, corrects, and strengthens. As Proverbs 27:17 says, when counsel is given with kindness, the whole congregation benefits.
3. a) How can we learn to give good advice? (Isaiah 9:6; see also the box “Follow Jesus’ Example When Giving Advice.”)
We can learn to give good advice by looking at the examples found in the Bible, especially that of Jesus. Isaiah 9:6 calls him the Wonderful Counselor, and rightly so, for his advice was always timely, wise, and full of love.
Jesus didn't speak on his own, but rather conveyed the wisdom of Jehovah. He also knew when to speak, waiting for the right moment for his disciples to understand. And he did so with tact and respect, even when he had to repeat the same teaching.
So, if we want to give good advice, it doesn't matter how much experience we have. The most important thing is that it's based on the Word of God, and that we give it with love and patience.
3. b) What will we see in this article?
In this article, we're going to analyze several aspects that will help us give good advice.
First, we'll look at what to do when someone directly asks us for advice and how best to respond.
Then, we'll also talk about those times when it's necessary to give advice, even if the other person hasn't asked for it.
Another important point is learning to give advice at the right time—neither too soon nor too late—because timing greatly influences how what we say is received.
And finally, the importance of giving them with the correct form and with the appropriate tone will be highlighted.
In summary, this article will teach us how to reflect Jesus' example by advising others with love and wisdom.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS US FOR ADVICE
4, 5. What should we ask ourselves when someone asks us for advice? Give an example.
When someone asks us for advice, the first thing we should ask ourselves is whether we know enough about the subject to give them good advice. Sometimes, out of kindness, we want to respond quickly, but the wisest thing to do is acknowledge our limitations. If we lack the necessary experience or knowledge, it's best to direct the person to someone who can help.
The example in the paragraph makes it clear: if a friend with a serious illness asks us for an opinion on treatments, even if we're not doctors, the most responsible thing to do is to encourage them to consult a specialist. This demonstrates humility and true love, because, rather than offering rash opinions, we seek to ensure they receive the most appropriate care.
6. Why might we decide to wait before giving advice?
Even if we think we know a topic well and have a clear answer, it may be better to wait before giving advice. Proverbs 15:28 says that “the heart of the righteous ponders before he answers,” and that teaches us not to speak immediately. Instead, it's a good idea to take some time to reflect, pray, and, if necessary, research.
In this way, we don't give impulsive advice, but rather advice that truly aligns with Jehovah's point of view. Sometimes, in the moment, we may feel unsure of what we will say, but by meditating calmly, we may express it more wisely and lovingly. Thus, the advice will not only be correct, but also uplifting for the other person.
7. What does Nathan's example teach us?
Nathan's example teaches us much. When David told him he wanted to build a temple for Jehovah, Nathan immediately responded that it seemed fine to him. But Jehovah had another opinion and did not want David to build it. This shows that Nathan went ahead and gave his advice without first consulting Jehovah.
From this we learn that we must be "slow to speak," as James 1:19 says. Sometimes, out of enthusiasm or affection for a brother, we may give hasty advice, but it's better to stop, reflect, and make sure what we say is in harmony with God's will. This way, we'll avoid giving a personal opinion that may not be the right one.
8. What is another reason to be careful when giving advice?
Another reason to be careful when giving advice is that if the person follows what we tell them and it leads to negative consequences, we could be held responsible to some extent. And, of course, none of us wants to bear that burden or trip up a brother or sister with a hasty opinion.
Therefore, it's important to think carefully before giving advice, and to make sure that what we say is based on biblical principles, and not just on what we would do ourselves.
Sometimes the most loving thing to do isn't to give a quick answer, but to help our brother analyze the texts and principles that guide him in making his own decision. In this way, we protect our conscience and demonstrate true love by seeking his best interest.
WHEN WE HAVE TO GIVE ADVICE WITHOUT BEING ASKED
9. What should elders be sure of before advising a brother? (Galatians 6:1)
Before counseling, the elders must ensure that the brother has truly made a false step and is not simply making a personal decision within his Christian freedom.
Galatians 6:1 speaks of someone who is going astray, even if they haven't yet committed a serious sin. The goal of the elders is to help them return to the path that leads to eternal life.
But to avoid going beyond what is appropriate, you must first analyze the situation thoroughly. As Romans 14:1-4 says, Jehovah has given us freedom of conscience in many things. Therefore, appropriate counsel should be given only when truly necessary, and always in the spirit of restoration, not control.
ADDITIONAL COMMENT
According to Romans 14:1-4, Jehovah has given us freedom of conscience in many things. Therefore, before deciding what advice to give, the elders should identify whether the brother has truly made a mistake or whether it is merely a personal decision.
10-12. What should elders do when they need to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it? Give an example (see also the pictures).
When an elder has to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it, the way he does it is very important.
First, you must prepare the ground, just like a farmer before planting. This means gaining your brother's trust by being loving and kind, so that when the time comes, you can respectfully tell him that you want to talk to him because you appreciate him.
During the conversation, the elder can further pave the way, acknowledging that we all make mistakes, as Romans 3:23 says. Then, using the Bible, he points out the misstep and explains in simple terms how to correct it.
Finally, water the seed by congratulating him for what he does well and praying with him.
ILLUSTRATION
Scenes showing how an elder advising a brother is similar to a farmer planting a seed in hard ground. 1. Prepares the ground: The farmer plows the soil, and the elder speaks lovingly to the brother. 2. Plants the seed: The farmer sows the seed in the softened soil, and the elder uses the Bible to reason with the brother. 3. Waters the seed: The farmer waters the seed, and the elder prays with the brother.
Elders need love and skill to give advice to someone who hasn't asked for it. (See paragraphs 10-12.)
13. What can elders do to ensure that the person has understood the advice correctly?
Elders know that sometimes what you say isn't always what the other person understands. To avoid these misunderstandings, it's very helpful to ask tactful questions that don't sound like an interrogation, but rather express genuine interest.
That way, they can confirm whether the brother has properly understood the advice and, above all, whether he understands how to apply it in his life. Ecclesiastes 12:11 compares wise words to well-placed nails, because they help to make ideas stand firm.
So, by asking polite questions, the elder can ensure that the advice is truly clear in the brother's mind and heart, making it easier to put into practice.
AT THE RIGHT TIME AND IN THE RIGHT WAY
14. Why shouldn't we give advice when we are angry?
It's not a good idea to give advice when we're angry, because the Bible clearly states that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." When you speak in anger, your words almost always hurt more than they help, and instead of fixing the situation, they only make it worse.
We are all imperfect, and as Colossians 3:13 says, it's normal for someone to upset us or even get angry at some point. But the wise thing to do is resist the urge to speak in that state and wait until we're calm. That way, when we do speak, we'll do so in a more respectful tone and with advice that truly builds up rather than destroys.
15. What does Elihu's example teach us? (See also the image.)
Elihu's example teaches us much about how to give advice. He listened attentively for days as Job defended himself and his friends unjustly accused him. Although he felt sorry for Job, he was also angry because, in defending himself, Job said things about Jehovah that were not correct.
However, Elihu didn't react immediately. He waited patiently until it was his turn to speak. And when he did, he advised calmly and respectfully, as we see in Job 33:1-7.
This reminds us that there is a time to speak, and that it's not enough to be right. Advice must be given at the right time and in the right way, always with respect and love.
ILLUSTRATION
Elihu listens with empathy to Job, who is covered with boils.
Although Elihu was enraged with Job, he waited for Job to calm down and then gave him respectful advice. (See paragraph 15.)
LET'S NOT STOP GIVING AND ACCEPTING GOOD ADVICE
16. What do you learn from Psalm 32:8?
What Psalm 32:8 says teaches me that Jehovah doesn't just give us advice and that's it, but he also pays attention to us to help us apply it.
This conveys a great deal of love and closeness to me, because it shows that Jehovah takes a personal interest in our well-being. He is a Father who guides, but also accompanies us every step of the way.
This example teaches us how we should act when advising someone. It's not enough to simply give a recommendation and leave it at that; we must remain attentive, see how they're doing, and, if necessary, provide additional support.
In this way, the brother doesn't feel alone, but rather understood and supported. In this way, by imitating Jehovah, our counsel will be more helpful and loving.
17. What can be said about elders who give specific, biblically based advice? (Isaiah 32:1, 2)
Elders who give specific, biblically based advice can be a true comfort in difficult times. Isaiah 32:1, 2 compares them to streams of water in a dry land, because their words refresh and strengthen when we need it most.
In these critical times, as 2 Timothy 3:1 says, it is vital to have spiritual shepherds who not only tell us what we want to hear, but what we truly need to please Jehovah.
Although such advice may sometimes be harsh, it is actually as valuable as apples of gold in silver settings. Therefore, we are deeply grateful to the elderly and also learn to give and accept good advice.
WHAT SHOULD WE REMEMBER IN THE FOLLOWING SITUATIONS?
When we are asked for advice.
We must remember that we don't always have all the answers. First, we must ask ourselves if we know enough, and if not, it's best to direct the brother to someone with more experience. Furthermore, it's always a good idea to pray, meditate, and base ourselves on the Bible before answering.
When we have to give advice without being asked.
We must remember to prepare the ground by showing love and respect. Just as a farmer softens the soil before sowing, an elder must gain trust and then speak tactfully, using the Bible to build.
When we are angry.
We must remember that this is not the time for advice. The Bible says that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." If we speak in anger, we only make the situation worse. It's better to wait until we're calm and then speak with love and respect.
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