1, 2. What lesson was learned by an elder who counseled a sister?
The old man learned that it is not enough to be very well prepared to talk about the needs of the person he is going to visit, but that the most important thing is to know how he feels, what is really happening to him, in order to guide advice or consolation or simply listen.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
And this sister just wanted to say what she was going through anyway, she would have felt more relieved if she had told it, so this old man surely thought it would have been appropriate to ask her how she was, how she was feeling and how he could help her.
That makes us think that for example when we go to preach we are always encouraged to ask questions to get to the heart of the person and lesson 19 of the master booklet encourages us to ask to see what the person really thinks to try to find out what he really feels and to have patience so yes that is important when we are going to preach to other people because how much more so if we have to give advice to a brother.
3. Who can give advice in the congregation?
Yes, here it mentions that everyone can give, for example here it mentions the elders have the responsibility but also an older sister can reach a younger sister and of course parents must often give advice to their children so that article is sure to suit all of us to arrive very well.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
If in the end we may have the opportunity to have to give advice at some point, but what we want is for it to fulfill its objective and, as proverbs 27:9 says, to make the person's heart happy.
Proverb 27:9 talks about friendship, so anyone who has a friend or if we have friends, the opportunity will arise that we have to mention some detail to them or they have to do it to us, so we all do well to review the suggestions of this article.
4. What questions will we answer in this article?
We will answer the following questions: What is the correct motivation? Is it really necessary? Who should give it? and How can we give advice that has a good effect?
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Four questions that have to do with giving advice: What is the correct motivation? Is it really necessary? Who should give it? and How can we give advice that has a good effect?
WHAT IS THE RIGHT MOTIVATION?
5. Why is someone more likely to accept advice if it is given lovingly? (1 Corinthians 13:4, 7).
It is easier to accept advice when it is given with love because the one who receives the advice and the one who has to accept the advice realizes that the person giving it is really caring about him.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
And surely all of us who are here have received advice and it is very different when it comes from a person who, as Romans 12:10 says, has shown us affection, has shown us honor, has shown us on other occasions that they value us, surely although That advice, because it can hurt us at first, can affect us when we think about everything the person has done with us, we see it as one more sign of love.
And how important is this advice for the elderly because what they always want is to correct their siblings, that is, to make them avoid false steps and this is achieved a lot by speaking to them with love and if the siblings notice it, then they will surely accept it.
And the words that we have read in the first letter to the Corinthians are very interesting because love is not only patient and kind but also supports everything, believes everything, waits for everything, that means that it does not attribute bad motives to the brother when he goes to advise him listen carefully to what the brother feels and then offer good quality advice based on the Bible so that the brother receives it because he feels heard and loved.
In Romans 12:10 there is an interesting word when it says honor one another, the Greek term that is translated in the Bible, honor, conveys the idea of esteem, value, preciousness, and that is what we want our brothers to see when we give them advice that they are very precious to us and are worth a lot to us too.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 | Because it makes the old man know what is the motivation for which he wants to give that advice if it is because he sees something that to his liking in his opinion has to be changed or it is for the love of that brother that he sees that he can download if he needs help.
6. What good example did Paul set in giving advice?
Well, the apostle Paul when he went to advise the brothers of Thessalonica at first I congratulate them for their good faithful work and for showing love and endurance.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
1 Thessalonians 4:1 we read that it says that we know that they are living to please God they are doing well but that is when he already explains some of the problems that they really needed to receive a little advice but first I congratulate them.
Also in Second Thessalonians 1:4 he highlighted their qualities such as endurance and faith and also that they demonstrate in the midst of the persecution and the difficulties they are enduring so it showed that he also knew their circumstances and knew what they were going through so they surely it was easier for them to receive the advice if they knew that he understood what they were going through.
So we see how the apostle Paul is a good example for the elders because before advising him, he commended the brothers as we have seen specifically in a positive and sincere way and this made the brothers feel understood, valued and then also listen the advice he gave them.
And he also mentions that the brothers had no doubt that Pablo loved them very much, so Pablo's advice was also motivated by love.
Without a doubt, Paul made an effort to know all the brothers or circumstances, problems, everything they did very well, and without a doubt he is a good example for today's elders who also make sure before giving advice that they know very well everything that encompasses the brother so that they receive your advice in the best way.
7. Why might a person react badly when given advice?
Sometimes when a person reacts badly to advice, we tend to think that it is their problem, we can even think that they are a proud person, but in reality it could be the problem of who gives the advice, surely when we have to give advice, we do it with love and affection siblings will be much more likely to react well and accept the advice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Sometimes we might think to give advice; look I'm going to give it up because I can't take it anymore because I can't stand the situation anymore I'm angry if that's our attitude then it's better that we leave it because it's very likely that it won't be done with the love due in the right way and that it won't be Well received.
IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?
8. What should an elder ask himself before giving advice to someone?
Well, yes, it is really necessary for him to tell his brother something, if he is sure that this person is doing something wrong or if he is ignoring what the Bible says, or rather it is that he is doing something that the elder would not do.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Proverbs 29:20 there gives the reason for these questions there it says that there is more hope for the fool than for a person who does not think about these things so to be successful with the advice then the elder would have to ask these questions first.
On these occasions it is best to consult another fellow elder and try to discern if there is any compelling Scriptural reason for giving the advice then.
There they talk about what the Bible does that teaches censorship and rectification that is what the councils do teach censorship and rectification, so if our council does not have a biblical basis for what it was thinking of saying, perhaps it is better to leave it.
9. How can elders imitate Paul in giving advice on clothing and grooming? (1 Timothy 2:9, 10).
Well, before giving advice, you had to ask yourself if there are biblical reasons to say something and then it would also be appropriate to avoid being carried away by one's criteria to consult another elder or another brother who is also mature and that way you can analyze if it is really necessary. give that advice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Paul did not give a list of things that they had to wear or not or what things were appropriate or not, but he gave principles on which the elders have to base themselves to know if a brother needs guidance or help and that is what in the end He hopes that the elders take into account our principles that in one place an article of clothing may be appropriate and modest in another, so good judgment must be used when making this decision.
Interestingly, we do not have the slightest idea about this advice from Paul about how women dressed or how men dressed, so this advice is still valid because it is a principle no matter the time, so the advice that is valid for us when they give the elderly it is one that will be worth us in any situation because it is a principle.
10. What should we remember about personal decisions?
There may be two different decisions that you cannot always think like the other brother but what we do have is that we should not impose our opinion or what we think about the decision of another brother as we have seen as long as he has modesty and good judgment is what really matters.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
And this that speaks of imposing our opinion is quite serious in the text that is cited in Romans 14:10 says because you judge your brother or because you also despise your brother because we will all stand before the tribunal of God, if we try to impose our opinion would be how to judge our brother or despise what he does and not recognize that it is Jehovah in the end who we have to please and that he will judge us both.
And it is a very good argumentation because in the end the diversity of criteria does not have to threaten the unity of Christians, but if we always impose our criteria, it could indeed be that there is a disunity.
WHO SHOULD GIVE IT?
11, 12. If advice needs to be given, what should an elder ask himself, and why?
I am the most suitable to give the advice or it will be better for someone else to do it in the end the objective is who can show more empathy.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
There are also cases in which the advice must be channeled, for example, if it is someone from a family, it would be necessary to speak first with the head of the family or perhaps it is a young sister, because perhaps the most convenient thing would be to do it through an older sister. of the congregation.
And in a body of elders, the responsibility is not only one but the responsibility is everyone, so everyone has to see that the brothers receive that advice and encourage them to apply it.
HOW CAN WE GIVE ADVICE THAT HAS A GOOD EFFECT?
13, 14. Why is it important for elders to know how to listen?
Because if they want to give good advice that reaches the heart, they have to be aware of all the circumstances of the person they are going to advise and for that, they must first ask and listen carefully.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
And as we see in the image, the old man is worrying about this brother, he is listening to him, he is paying attention to him and thus he will give better advice and will be more useful.
This goes according to Proverbs 18:13 says responding to a matter before hearing is silly and humiliating, in the paragraph we saw what happened to this old man he believed he gave the right advice but the sister on the contrary did not feel that, there in the photograph we see the opposite we see how the brother who is being advised is expressing himself so first he is listening to him to hit the nail on the head
When an elder is preparing to give advice, he should ask himself, “Do I really know the brother's circumstances? Do I know what you are going through? Will he be facing problems that I don't know about? What does he need most right now?
Although the answer is yes to all of them, it is certain that it has happened to us that in the last few hours something has changed that and we do not know it, so it is always important to listen first because there may be something very recent that completely changed what we think we want.
James 1:19, We are reminded of what the order of priorities should be when we are going to talk to a brother and that is to be quick to listen and slow to speak, never taking for granted that we know all the circumstances of the brothers, we want to ask them and listen to them.
And hearing is not the same as listening to hear we can hear anything but listening is paying attention to what the brother or sister is saying not thinking I think this text is going to come in handy or this article I think it is going to come in fantastic for the On the contrary, we have to pay attention so that we can then give advice and, as he mentions there, he gives us a few questions that could help us to see the circumstances of the brothers.
ILLUSTRATION:
An elder listens attentively to what a brother tells him as they preach together.
Why must elders be “quick to listen”? (See paragraphs 13 and 14).
15. How can elders apply the principle of Proverbs 27:23?
Proverbs 27:23 relates knowing with caring if the elderly should not only worry about caring but about caring knowing so they will make an effort to make the brothers feel that what they want is to care for them.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
And as it says at the end of the paragraph, this requires an effort on the part of the elderly because they are very busy and taking good care of them and getting to know them well is not easy, but if they make an effort to be good friends with their brothers and sisters, then we notice it a lot. .
For a shepherd it did not mean only knowing which is my flock, each shepherd knows how to differentiate each sheep that is within his flock, so applied to the work of an elder we have to know the tastes of our brothers, their circumstances, their difficulties, we will only achieve if we we strive to be good friends with them.
16. What must the elders do in order for their advice to have a good effect?
Well, they must have the habit of conversing with the brothers of the congregation and worrying about their problems or difficulties.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We see what constant work is, it is not a matter of now that you want to give advice to a brother, well, now I am going to be interested in knowing something about him before giving him advice, but it is day to day if the elders are friends of all the brothers when it is necessary to give advice then they will already be their friends and then it will be easier for them to receive it.
That they do not feel that we are approaching them to talk just to scold them just to tell them, look, you are missing this, but rather them, seeing that we are their friends, seeing that the moment does arise, because it will be given to the council and it will be like one more conversation and not how to always scold them.
ILLUSTRATION:
The old man and the brother smile happily as they prepare to go for a bike ride.
What should elders do to make it easier for them to give advice? (See paragraph 16).
17. When is it especially important for the elderly to show patience and care?
When they give the advice and realize that the brother has not accepted the advice well, that is when the brothers have to show patience and they may also have to pray specifically to help the brother see what he really needs.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
And it is that when someone has to be advised it is probably because we see that he is deviating from the path of life that Jehovah wants him to take and if we now advise that brother with the words he needs from the Bible and now by pressuring him or by perhaps change our attitude with him or get angry with him because we do what Matthew 12:20 says break the cane or put out the wick that barely burns because we would not be kind and because of our fault we could perhaps make that brother take the wrong path.
ILLUSTRATION:
The elder gives the brother some advice based on the Bible. The brother has a hard time accepting it.
Why should elders give advice patiently and lovingly? (See paragraph 17).
The image explains this idea very well, we see that the brother who is receiving the advice is not receiving it with a good attitude, he looks the other way a little angry but the old man does not lose his smile and that is not interesting because the brother he is advising Do not accept the advice well at first, lose affection, get angry, but show him patience and a lot of affection.
That patience and affection that this old man shows may be that at that moment I did not accept it in the best way as we see in the image but it may be that later on those words that advice will reach his heart and he will accept it, that is why the old man must always demonstrate very good attitude show patience affection at all times.
18. a) What should we remember when giving advice?
Yes, as James 3:2 says that we all stumble many times so we are going to make mistakes when giving advice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
One of the questions that is here for parents is shocking because it says that when we give advice, the person who treats it with love will feel and that I was fair with him. It is a question to really meditate on how we give it and even after we give it. .
Without a doubt, a father or a mother have the right to advise, without a doubt, they love their son, without a doubt, they still know him and thus he has to ask himself questions before giving advice, how much more so an elder.
If there are times when the words of the one who is advising usually have much more weight, so if we say something we do something that can hurt him, probably if we are not his friends it will cause the wrong effect to the one we want to give the advice to.
b) As seen in the image and in the box, what should parents analyze before advising a child?
As we see in the image, they have to analyze the matter together, asking themselves if what is happening to their daughter is so important if they will be able to talk to her calmly and affectionately or perhaps wait until they are also calm if they really know what is happening to her if she is going through some problem how they can find out and perhaps between the two of them advise her and help her to be better.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Parents should analyze the situation and ask themselves if the matter is of such importance, if they know all the details and if they will be able to advise their child with patience and care. If the parents think about this and act patiently, the child will feel that his parents treated him with love and will accept the advice willingly, if it is the case.
ILLUSTRATION:
A parent discusses from the Bible the best way to counsel their teenage daughter.
And I like the image that is seen that what they are using to determine if they have to advise is not a personal criterion but what is the Bible and the publications this of course is a very interesting detail because they do not do it their way but who seek to know what Jehovah's view of the matter is how to give him a biblical principle how to help him based on the scriptures.
In the article we have also seen that motivation is very important in the case of parents, motivation is love and that is guaranteed, but even so, the questions in the box help us to think that it is also very important to think about how you will feel as you receive the son gives advice and reminds us that we should never treat them harshly love is patient is kind.
And also, as we have seen in the article, if it was important for an elder to spend time with the flock with the rest of the siblings to get to know them well, spend time with them, how is it not going to be more important for parents to spend time and dedicate time to being with their children to get to know them well not only in the study environment or something more formal but also in leisure time to be calm so that they can get to know them well and know exactly how they feel.
I really like a question that is asked here for parents, is my child going through something that I do not know? It is interesting because many times parents think that they know their children better than anyone, hence the importance, as we have seen in the article. to listen, listen to the children and not only prepare good advice but also good questions to talk about to find out what's going on there shows love, patience and kindness.
A message to parents
Parents sometimes have to advise their children. That is why it is good that they take into account the principles that are analyzed in this article. Before giving advice to their child, a parent might ask, “Is this really that important? Will I be able to speak calmly and lovingly to him, or should I wait for my anger to pass? Do I know all the details of the situation? Is my son going through something that I don't know about? After we have talked, will he feel that I treated him with love and that I was fair to him?” Christian parents should never treat their children harshly. Remember that Paul said, “Love is patient and kind” (1 Cor. 13:4). After all, his children are part of the “flock of God” (1 Pet. 5:2; Eph. 6:4).
WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?
19. How can we gladden the hearts of our brothers?
Well, we have seen that when we advise someone we do it with the correct motivation that they perceive that we love them, that we love them and that in this way it will be easier for them to accept the advice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Also making sure that the advice is necessary and that it is given by the right person.
And the text at the end has a very interesting idea because there was talk of becoming friends before giving advice but the text at the end says that sweet friendship is born from advice so what is the reciprocal.
Also show empathy and put ourselves in their place.
And also to be able to know the circumstances of the people we have to ask them questions.
WHAT WOULD YOU ANSWER?
What should be our motivation when giving advice?
As we have seen in first Corinthians 13:4 and 7, it always has to be love, not our vision of matters, but rather our motivation has to be affection for our brothers.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Show that love we have for that brother by giving them advice. The motivation would be love, by giving advice with the right attitude, a person is more likely to accept advice if he feels that the person giving it cares about him.
Who should give the advice?
We saw that we can all give advice but the right person will also sometimes depend on the situation and we saw examples such as married sisters or younger children because perhaps it would be more appropriate for the head of the family to know or to be present or even sometimes we will have advise friends or parents will have to advise their children.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Before counseling a married sister or a minor, an elder should discuss the matter with the head of the family. He may prefer to give the advice himself or be present when the elder does so. A person with low self-esteem may react better to advice if it is given by an elder who has had similar feelings, since he will treat her with more empathy.
How can we give advice that has a good effect?
An idea that we have seen in the article is the principle of James 1:19 to be quick to listen and we have learned that all good advice begins by asking us questions first if I know the circumstances of the brothers I know what they are going through and ask him to find out the details.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Making sure that the receiver of the advice understands and feels that our motivation is correct and especially if it is based on the Bible, surely we have a good reason to give the advice.
The importance of being good friends with our brothers in the congregation has been repeated several times, since a good friend is always grateful when good advice is given.
Yes, have patience and affection when the advice we give our brother does not accept and above all, as mentioned, the key is that we are going to make mistakes, so if we are friends with them, it will be easier for them to forgive us and listen to us again.
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