1, 2. What lesson was learned by an elder who counseled a sister?
The old man learned a very important lesson, that he should put himself in the place of the person he is advising and be more empathetic.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
He learned that those who give advice must show empathy and consideration to the little sheep, it is not just about going around giving thoughtless advice, but about asking appropriate questions: 'how are you?', 'how are you feeling?', 'how can I help you?'".
The experience tells of two elders who visit a sister to encourage her, and read biblical texts about attending meetings. And though he thought he had managed to cheer her up, he hadn't. The sister told him that "they had no idea what was going on." The old man thought that she was being disrespectful, but then on second thought he realized that he did not show any personal interest in her sister. Instead of reading those texts about the meetings, it would have been more accurate to ask her how she was or how she felt and thus demonstrate empathy.
This brother learned how important it is to use empathy when wanting to advise someone, since he and another brother when visiting a sister who was discouraged, all they did was read biblical texts to the sister without first asking her how he was or how he felt, which made the sister feel that she had not been helped.
3. Who can give advice in the congregation?
The elders, who are pastors, have a responsibility to give advice to those who need it.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
The elders, who are pastors, have a responsibility to give advice to those who need it. But there are times when other brothers in the congregation may need to give advice. And, of course, parents often have to advise and correct their children.
Although it is true that elders have that responsibility to give advice to those who need it, the truth is that we can all give advice to others at different times. To mention one of them, perhaps someone has to advise a friend with the Bible.
It may also be that an older sister has to advise a younger sister on matters such as dress, respect in marriage, or other issues. And, of course, parents should also give advice to their children.
Everyone, although it is true that those who have the responsibility to give advice are the elders, there will be times when we may have to advise a friend with the Bible, or an older sister may have to advise a younger one about the importance of good behavior. judgment, and in fact parents have to always be advising their children.
4. What questions will we answer in this article?
We will answer the following questions: What is the correct motivation? Is it really necessary? Who should give it? And how can we give advice that has a good effect?
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Four questions that have to do with giving advice: What is the correct motivation? Is it really necessary? Who should give it? and How can we give advice that has a good effect?
We are going to give answers to what is the correct motivation when giving advice, if it is necessary to do so, who should give that advice and how we can give advice that has a good effect.
We will answer these questions: What is the correct motivation? Is it really necessary? Who should give it? and How can we give advice that has a good effect?
WHAT IS THE RIGHT MOTIVATION?
5. Why is someone more likely to accept advice if it is given lovingly? (1 Corinthians 13:4, 7).
Because love is patient and kind, it supports everything, it believes everything, it waits for everything, it endures everything.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We can think of the way a doctor treats his patients.
When an elder goes to counsel someone, he should think about some aspects of love that the apostle Paul mentioned: “Love is patient and kind. He supports everything, he believes everything, he hopes everything, he endures everything.
Meditating on these verses will help the elder to see if his motivation is love and to give advice with the right attitude. A person is more likely to accept advice if he feels that the person giving it cares about him.
They are more likely to accept the advice because the person will see that they care about them and show them love and tender affection, as Romans 12:10 says. And that will make the person more receptive to listening and accepting the advice.
Because as the apostle Paul said, love is patient and kind, so if advice is given with the right attitude, the person will perceive it as a sign of concern, of affection.
6. What good example did Paul set in giving advice?
He set a good example, congratulating the Thessalonian brothers when he was counseling them. Paul also thought about their circumstances and told them that he knew they were enduring hardship and persecution. Pablo loved them very much. Therefore, the advice he gave them in the two letters from him had a good effect.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
The apostle Paul is a good example for the elders. For example, he did not hesitate to advise the Thessalonian brothers when necessary. But in his letters first he congratulated them for his faithful work, for his work motivated by love and for his endurance. He also thought about their circumstances and told them that he knew they were enduring hardship and persecution. And he even told them that they were an example to other Christians.
He is an excellent example because he knew how to give advice when it was necessary to give it. But not because of that he was abrupt in the ways of saying it, but rather he congratulated the brothers for their faithful work, their love and their endurance. In this way, his advice was received positively.
In addition, Pablo showed empathy and thought about the circumstances of the brothers. As 2 Thessalonians 1:4 says, he was aware of "the persecution and hardships that were enduring" those brothers. So it is important to give advice, but taking into account the situation of each brother.
For example, we see in his letters to the brothers from Thessaloniki, first he congratulated them for their faithful work, that is, he focused on the qualities they had, he also stressed that he knew what they were enduring, and even reminded them that they were an example to others. . So Paul first encouraged them and surely in that way his advice had a good effect on these Christians.
7. Why might a person react badly when given advice?
"There are those who react badly when advice is given, not because the advice is wrong, but because it is not given with love."
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
If we give advice with the wrong attitude, what an experienced elder said can happen: "There are those who react badly when advice is given not because the advice is wrong, but because it is not given with love."
Perhaps you react badly because the advice was given with the wrong attitude. An elder comments that perhaps someone reacts badly not because the advice is wrong, but because it is not given lovingly. Advice should be given with love, not with anger or annoyance.
Well, not because the advice is wrong, but because of the way they gave the advice, perhaps with a lack of affection or empathy, so we learn that it is easier to accept advice when it is motivated by love.
IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?
8. What should an elder ask himself before giving advice to someone?
An elder should ask himself: “Do I really need to tell you something? Am I sure he is doing something wrong? Is he overlooking something the Bible says, or is he just doing something I wouldn't do?
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Before giving advice to someone, an elder should ask himself, “Do I really need to tell you something? Am I sure he is doing something wrong? Is he overlooking something the Bible says, or is he just doing something I wouldn't do?
An elder should not be hasty in speaking. Therefore, before giving advice to someone, he should ask himself if he needs to tell him something, if he is doing something wrong or is simply doing something that he would do differently. He can even consult another elder to decide whether he will give the advice or not.
You should ask yourself these questions: “Do I really need to tell you something? Am I sure he is doing something wrong? Is he overlooking something the Bible says, or is he just doing something I wouldn't do?"
And as the paragraph says, an elder should not rush to speak, because it could rather discourage the brother if there is no valid reason to advise him, that is why he could even ask another elder to see if there is a biblical reason for advice.
9. How can elders imitate Paul in giving advice on clothing and grooming? (1 Timothy 2:9, 10).
Suppose an elder is concerned about a brother's way of dressing or grooming. He might ask himself, "Is there biblical reason to say something to him?" Since he doesn't want to be swayed by his own judgment, he might ask another elder or another mature brother for his opinion.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
You might ask yourself, “Are there biblical reasons to say something to him?” Since he doesn't want to be swayed by his own judgment, he might ask another elder or another mature brother for his opinion. Together you could discuss what Paul said about clothing and grooming.
The text speaks of principles that guide us to dress appropriately, with modesty and good judgment. He knew that Christians can choose how to dress and groom themselves, as long as they don't go against what the Bible says. In deciding whether to counsel someone, elders should consider whether the person demonstrates modesty and good judgment.
Paul spoke of principles that guide us to dress modestly and with good judgment. He didn't give a list of what can and can't be done. The elders can imitate his example by analyzing if that brother dresses with modesty and good judgment, and not be carried away by their own criteria of how each one should dress.
Well, Paul did not give a list of rules about what can or cannot be done, or exactly how to dress, but rather he spoke of dressing modestly and with good judgment, because he was aware that Christians can choose how to dress and groom ourselves, as long as they do not go against what the Bible says, then based on this the elders can advise on it.
10. What should we remember about personal decisions?
That people can make different decisions about personal decisions. So each one of us has different opinions and we cannot change them, we can only advise.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We must remember that two mature brothers can make different decisions on a certain matter. But that doesn't mean one is right and the other is wrong.
We must remember that two mature brothers can have two different points of view on a certain matter. But it does not mean that one is valid and the other is not. In Romans 14:10, he mentions a question for our reflection: there he says "why do you judge your brother?" Therefore, we should not impose our opinions on others.
We must remember that we do not all make equal decisions, and this does not mean that some are right and others are wrong, so we should not impose our opinion on others.
WHO SHOULD GIVE IT?
11, 12. If advice needs to be given, what should an elder ask himself, and why?
You should ask yourself, “Am I the best one to give the advice, or is it better for someone else to do it?” Because he should think about whether he understands what the person he is going to advise is going through or if he has gone through something similar and thus could be more empathic with the person.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Before counseling a married sister or a minor, an elder should discuss the matter with the head of the family. He may prefer to give the advice himself or to be present when the elder does so.
Or, if it is a younger sister, it may be more convenient for her to be counseled by an older sister, as mentioned in paragraph 3.
Of course, all the elders have the responsibility to encourage the brothers to make the necessary changes to act in accordance with what the Bible says. If someone needs correction, the most important thing is that he receives it.
If it has already been decided that it is necessary to give the advice, now one of the questions that must be asked is who will give it. If, for example, the one who receives the advice is a married sister or a minor, the elder should talk to the head of the family, since he may be the one who wants to give the advice or at least be in front when the elder gives that advice.
The elder must also ask himself if he is the best person to give advice. If she is a young woman, it may be more convenient for the advice to be given by another sister with whom she feels more comfortable. Or if the person has low self-esteem, it would be good if an elderly person who has been through something similar gives advice. Although the most important thing is that the advice ends up being given.
HOW CAN WE GIVE ADVICE THAT HAS A GOOD EFFECT?
13, 14. Why is it important for elders to know how to listen?
Because he may not know why the brother is going through, and he advises badly or the brother may not like the advice. It is better to listen first, before giving advice.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
When an elder is preparing to give advice, he should ask himself, “Do I really know the brother's circumstances? Do I know what you are going through? Will he be facing problems that I don't know about? What does he need most right now?
She realized that instead of starting the visit with the information she had prepared, she should have asked the sister questions such as “how are you?”, “how are you feeling?”, “how can I help you?” . If the elders care to know the situation of the brothers, they are more likely to help and encourage them
It is important because before advising a brother they must know the circumstances and the problems they are facing. If they didn't, they wouldn't act wisely. Proverbs 18:13 makes it very clear when he says that "answering an issue before hearing the facts is foolish and humiliating." So it is essential to know how to listen before giving advice.
And we have the example of the old man mentioned in paragraphs 1 and 2. He admitted that instead of sticking to what he had prepared, he should have asked the sister how she was doing and how he could help her. In this way, the brother or sister who receives the advice will leave the conversation more animated.
Because he may not know what the brother is going through, and he advises badly or the brother may not like the advice, that is why it is better to listen first, before advising, since then they are more likely to really help and encourage them.
ILLUSTRATION:
An elder listens attentively to what a brother tells him as they preach together.
Why must elders be “quick to listen”? (See paragraphs 13 and 14).
15. How can elders apply the principle of Proverbs 27:23?
They can apply it, getting to know the brothers better and striving to be good friends with them.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
To get good results when advising someone, it is not enough to read a few texts and give some suggestions. Siblings need to feel that we care about them, that we understand them, and that we want to help them.
As we have read, they must know and take good care of the flock. And for this, the brothers must perceive that they really care about them and that they want to help them. And one way elders do this is by striving to make good friends with their brothers and sisters.
There it says that the elders must know the flock well, that is, they must do everything possible to be friends with the brothers of the congregation, because that way they will feel that they really care about them.
16. What must the elders do in order for their advice to have a good effect?
They should not give the impression that they only talk to the siblings because they want to call them out or scold them for something they are doing wrong.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Elders should avoid giving the impression that they only speak to siblings when they need to call their attention to something.
An experienced elder says that if they do this, they will become good friends with the brothers. And he adds: "Then when the need arises to give advice, it will be much easier to do so."
If a brother gets the impression that every time an elder talks to him it is to call his attention to something, it will not have a good effect. That is why it is important for the elders to make a habit of talking to the brothers praising their good qualities and taking an interest in them when they are in difficulty, not just when they need advice.
And continuing with the brother/sister's comment, an elder comments on the importance of making good friends. So when the need to give advice arises, it will be much easier for the elder to give that advice and for the brother to accept it.
They should not give the impression that they only talk to the siblings because they want to get their attention or scold them for something they are doing wrong, but rather they should have the habit of talking with them and being interested in their problems.
ILLUSTRATION:
The old man and brother smile happily as they prepare to go for a bike ride.
What should elders do to make it easier for them to give advice? (See paragraph 16).
17. When is it especially important for the elderly to show patience and care?
It is important that you show patience and care when a brother rejects advice or is slow to implement it. The elders should be patient with the brother and not get upset with him.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
It is especially important to show patience and care when someone initially rejects Bible-based advice or is slow to put it into practice. The elders shouldn't be upset if that happens. So the elder can ask Jehovah in his personal prayers to help the person see why he needs the advice and to put it into practice.
Especially when someone initially rejects a Bible-based advice or is late in putting it into practice. They must imitate Jesus, who encouraged with his words those who felt like a bent reed or like a flame about to go out, as we read in Matthew 12:20.
The paragraph also mentions that the elder can pray for the brother so that Jehovah will help him see why he needs such advice. If the elder is patient and loving, the brother will most likely accept the advice and make the necessary changes.
When a brother rejects counsel based on Scriptural principle or delays in carrying it out, the elder can also ask Jehovah in his personal prayers to help the person to see why he needs the counsel and to put it into practice.
ILLUSTRATION:
The elder gives the brother some advice based on the Bible. The brother has a hard time accepting it.
Why should elders give advice patiently and lovingly? (See paragraph 17).
18. a) What should we remember when giving advice?
That we should learn from our mistakes, we all make mistakes and we are not perfect.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
We are going to make mistakes, but we must strive to learn from them. If the brothers see that we love them, it will be easier for them to forgive us if we do or say something that offends them.
Due to our imperfection, we will not always give advice in the most appropriate way, but we must learn from mistakes, so as not to repeat them as much as possible. And if we love the brothers, it will be easier for him to forgive us if we say something that offends them.
That since we are imperfect we are going to make mistakes when giving advice, but let us remember that if the brothers see sincerity and love when advising them, it will be easier for them to forgive us if we say something that offends them.
b) As seen in the image and in the box, what should parents analyze before advising a child?
Before giving advice to their child, a parent might ask, “Is this really that important? Will I be able to speak calmly and lovingly to him, or should I wait for my anger to pass? Do I know all the details of the situation? Is my son going through something that I don't know about?
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
It is good that they take into account the principles that are analyzed in this article. Before giving advice to their child, a parent might ask, “Is this really that important? Will I be able to speak calmly and lovingly to him, or should I wait for my anger to pass? Do I know all the details of the situation? Is my son going through something that I don't know about? After we have talked, will he feel that I treated him with love and that I was fair to him?” Christian parents should never treat their children harshly. Remember that Paul said, "Love is patient and kind." After all, his children are part of the "flock of God."
Parents should analyze the situation and ask themselves if the matter is of such importance, if they know all the details and if they will be able to advise their child with patience and care. If the parents think about this and act patiently, the child will feel that his parents treated him with love and will accept the advice willingly, if it is the case.
The box suggests that before giving advice to your child, ask yourself: “Is this really that important? Will I be able to speak calmly and lovingly to him, or should I wait for my anger to pass? Do I know all the details of the situation? Is my son going through something that I don't know about?
ILLUSTRATION:
A parent discusses from the Bible the best way to counsel their teenage daughter.
A message to parents
Parents sometimes have to advise their children. That is why it is good that they take into account the principles that are analyzed in this article. Before giving advice to their child, a parent might ask, “Is this really that important? Will I be able to speak calmly and lovingly to him, or should I wait for my anger to pass? Do I know all the details of the situation? Is my son going through something that I don't know about? After we have talked, will he feel that I treated him with love and that I was fair to him?” Christian parents should never treat their children harshly. Remember that Paul said, “Love is patient and kind” (1 Cor. 13:4). After all, his children are part of the “flock of God” (1 Pet. 5:2; Eph. 6:4).
WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?
19. How can we gladden the hearts of our brothers?
Making an effort to put ourselves in the place, when we give advice. Let us treat the brothers with affection and let us be good friends with them.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
When we advise someone, let's do it with the right motivation. Also, let's make sure that the advice is really needed and who is the right person to give it. Let's ask questions and listen carefully to find out what the person's circumstances are. Let's try to put ourselves in their place. Let us treat the brothers with affection and let us be good friends with them.
One of the principles that we have seen to gladden the hearts of our brothers is to advise with the correct motivation, to make sure that it is really necessary to give that advice and that we are the right person.
Another important point is to ask honest questions and listen carefully to the brothers to learn about their circumstances. It is very important to show empathy and put ourselves in their shoes to understand how they feel. We should also treat the brothers with care and be good friends with them.
We can make their hearts happy if we give them advice with the right motivation, in addition, making sure that the advice is really necessary and who is the right person to give it, also asking questions and listening carefully to know what the circumstances are. the person, making an effort to put ourselves in their place and treating them with care.
WHAT WOULD YOU ANSWER?
What should be our motivation when giving advice?
Show that love we have for that brother by giving them advice. The motivation would be love, by giving advice with the right attitude, a person is more likely to accept advice if he feels that the person giving it cares about him.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
When an elder goes to counsel someone, he should think about some aspects of love that the apostle Paul mentioned: “Love is patient and kind. He supports everything, he believes everything, he hopes everything, he endures everything. Meditating on these verses will help the elder to see if his motivation is love and to give advice with the right attitude. A person is more likely to accept advice if he feels that the person giving it cares about him.
The motivation must be love and that the person notices that we care about him. If we do it this way, they are more likely to accept our advice.
Our motivation must be the love we feel for our brothers, which will lead us to give advice with the right attitude.
Who should give the advice?
Before counseling a married sister or a minor, an elder should discuss the matter with the head of the family. He may prefer to give the advice himself or to be present when the elder does so. A person with low self-esteem may react better to advice if it is given by an elder who has had similar feelings, since he will treat her with more empathy.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
For example, before counseling a married sister or minor, an elder should discuss the matter with the head of the family. He may prefer to give the advice himself or to be present when the elder does so. Or, if it is a younger sister, it may be more convenient for her to be counseled by an older sister, as mentioned in paragraph 3.
A person with low self-esteem may react better to advice if it is given by an elder who has had similar feelings, since he will treat him with more empathy. Of course, all the elders have the responsibility to encourage the brothers to make the necessary changes to act in accordance with what the Bible says.
Although the elders have that responsibility, it will depend on the situation or the person to know who should give advice. For example, if it is a minor, it would be convenient for the advice to be given by his parents. Or if she is a younger sister she may feel more comfortable if advice is given to her by another older sister.
It depends on the situation, for example, in the article it was mentioned that before counseling a married sister or a minor, an elder should discuss the matter with the head of the family, or if it is a young sister, it may be better to get advice from an older sister.
How can we give advice that has a good effect?
"Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to anger." Proverbs 18:13 reminds us: “Answering a matter before hearing the facts is foolish and humiliating.” It is best to ask the person directly, and for this you have to listen before you speak.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS
Know how to listen. When an elder is preparing to give advice, he should ask himself, “Do I really know the brother's circumstances? Do I know what you are going through? Is he facing problems that I don't know about? What does he need most right now?
Get to know the herd well. As we saw at the beginning, to get good results when advising someone, it is not enough to read a few texts and give some suggestions. Siblings need to feel that we care about them, that we understand them, and that we want to help them.
Show patience and affection. It is especially important to show patience and care when someone initially rejects Bible-based advice or is slow to put it into practice. The elders shouldn't be upset if that happens.
Learn from your mistakes. Since we all make mistakes, we will not be able to perfectly apply the suggestions in this article.
For our advice to have a good effect, we must first know how to listen to understand the person's circumstances and care about them. In addition, we must show patience and care when giving advice. And if we have already given advice and we have not done it in the best way, let us learn from that mistake so that the next time it has a better effect.
Learning to listen, in the case of the elders, they must know the flock well and for this it is necessary that they become good friends with the brothers of the congregation, also showing patience and affection and learning from their mistakes.
Comments
Post a Comment